Monday, August 30, 2010

Years lost?

I wish I could say what made me think of writing about this, but it's very personal to a friend of mine. Nonetheless, it got me thinking about my own loss of years. It's easy for me to think, "Wow, six years, a significant portion of that time significantly disabled, fighting the fight of my life" and think it's not fair and that it was time lost.

I missed so much of my kids' lives because my time was spent in bed, or if it was a good day, on the couch. The kids would come in to me and with my limited attention and limited understanding of what was being said to me, I would hear about how everyone else was living their lives. I was not seeing football games my son played in, not seeing softball games, not going to school events ..... it even got to the point that my youngest wouldn't even tell me about the events at her school because she didn't want me to feel bad for missing them. I finally convinced her to tell me because sometimes I could push myself to get up and go.

Not only was I missing out, but I also felt horrible. So much pain. It's indescribable. If you've ever had the flu, multiply that by 10. Then add all the other symptoms on top of that. This kind of ongoing pain makes your mind crazy. It makes you think you'll take any way out, which is likely why the suicide rate is so high with Lyme patients.

It's easy to think "Why me?" and "It's not fair." The answer to the first question is, "Why not you?" And it isn't fair, who says it's supposed to be?

Back to my first point, that it would be easy for me to think it was time lost. It wasn't time lost. Not at all. Yes, it was spent differently than I would have chosen, for sure. Yes, it was miserable, and yes, I told God more than once, "Take me or make me better."

However, we each have our own paths in life. We each have our own obstacles. The person I become is the person who has lived through these experiences and has learned from them. I am a different person than I was before I was ill. I understand better the meaning of life and the meaning of death in a way that a healthy person never can. This is my experience and unique to me. If I hadn't gone through this experience, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I happen to *like* the person I am today.

My kids got through my illness just fine. They are also better people for it. They had to run the household with the help of their dad when I was sick. They all have practical lessons they've learned .... they can all get themselves off to school in the morning on time, wash their clothes, clean the house, cook dinner, and do the dishes. They have learned to be independent little people, very capable of handling what comes their way.

My husband was way too busy for one person, but what goes for me goes for him, too. He would be a different person today without what we experienced together.

I am very, very happy that I am well today, but I do not look back over my illness with regret. The experiences of those six years may not have been the experiences I would have chosen to have, but they are experiences in their own right, and these experiences make me who I am. I have more humility, patience, compassion, and love for others than I would have had otherwise.

Not years lost.

Friday, August 20, 2010


Hi again! This month marks one year that I have been well!! An exciting milestone for me!

One year ago I started fermenting and went into training to teach pilates.

Today I am feeling better than ever, still ferment though not as much, and have been teaching lots of pilates. Just yesterday I taught a pilates mat class to a man half my age. I was talking through all the exercises, got up to help him a couple times, and he was the one who couldn't keep up with ME!!

I am living a normal life again with no signs of ever having been sick.

I am eating well. I don't even like processed food, so I do eat what I make from scratch, but not because I was sick, rather because I like it better and I like how I feel when I eat well. Even my hubby and kids now prefer good food. We went to a pitch-in and the kids couldn't believe what others ate .... they thought it was disgusting!! Eating well is not a sacrifice. :)

I do enjoy lattes, but make them at home with non-homogenized, lightly pasteurized (170 degrees, 20 seconds) milk. I also enjoy chips, salsa and guacamole, but eat good, organic, chips with a good organic garlic cilantro salsa and guacamole made with real ingredients and no fillers. So, I do eat "fun" foods, but eat them in a healthy way.

I am teaching 10-15 hours per week. Just yesterday I taught 6 hours. When teaching reformer, I don't do the workout, but it is still a lot of exercise because I constantly demo the work and am moving around the whole time. My biggest problem is I don't drink enough when I teach and end up with a bladder infection which is easily reversed by flushing it out by drinking a lot of water.

My husband and I just bought a Norwalk Juicer. WOW!!! It's SO much better than our old juicer. I LOVE the juice! The best juice I've ever had. I feel that it's helping me with detox as I had somewhat of a detox reaction when I started drinking it. Also, it's nice to be able to eat some raw veggies, which I still have a bit of a problem digesting (small side salads are fine).

As for supplements, I change things around once in a while. I always take Depyrrol, copper, and oil of evening primrose for KPU. I also always take iron, magnesium, and Armour Thyroid. Others I like and take often are alpha lipoic acid, resveratrol, CoQ10, multiple vitamin with plenty of B vitamins, and Kyolic garlic.

Sometimes turmeric for inflammation, but that's usually when I've overdone the Pilates. Sometimes cilantro. I go in spurts with the cilantro. It's good for heavy metals. I also put cilantro in our juice.

Currently I'm doing a follow up round of Humaworm. It's good to do a parasite cleanse once or twice per year and it was time. Last time, about a year ago I think, I felt horrible and had to stop a week early likely due to the detox herbs as I was still toxic despite being better from Lyme. This year I feel just like my husband does on it, no problem at all. I felt a little sluggish on day 3, 4 and 5, but otherwise have been fine.

I still take 5 HTP. I fall asleep easily at night now and stay asleep all night. I get very tired in the evening, which is weird for me because I have never been one to get tired at night. I guess my adrenals have always been affected by Lyme as that's a symptom of sluggish adrenals. I get up easily in the morning and feel refreshed. I'm also using a progesterone cream from day 14 of my cycle until the end. I think this has been a help in restoring my ability to sleep well.

I think that's about it! Thanks for reading and I hope all of you are doing well!!